


You're our missing puzzle piece

by thunderingskies



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Coming of Age, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Getting Together, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24116119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderingskies/pseuds/thunderingskies
Summary: Four times that Jeno and Jaemin try to show Renjun how they feel and the one time that they finally get it right.Very eloquently, of course.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 16
Kudos: 388





	You're our missing puzzle piece

The first time that Jeno and Jaemin realize they have feelings for Renjun, it’s spring. 

They’re all nineteen at the time, finally starting to grow into themselves, trying to figure out who they are and who they’re supposed to become when the camera turns on. They’ve been together as a team for so long now that it feels like they’ve _always_ been Dream; living without the others seems alien, foreign. Even just spending one day without Renjun feels _weird._

It takes them too long to realize what exactly that means.

Jeno and Jaemin have been together officially for just shy of two years. Jaemin is easy to wrangle and he and Jeno fall together into something more than friends without much preamble, but things with Renjun are not quite so simple.

Talking about their feelings is not Jeno and Jaemin’s specialty- but maybe, they figure, they can show Renjun how they feel.

It takes a couple of tries to get it right.

**1.**

Jeno’s not good at this.

He’s not like Donghyuck, who can confidently initiate skinship, giving back-hugs to everyone, personality so warm and sunny. He’s not like Chenle, who clings to Renjun no matter the circumstance, nor is he like Jisung or Mark, who assure you just by being around, and he’s definitely not like Jaemin, Jeno’s polar opposite.

But Jaemin isn’t here right now. He’s busy handling Jisung and Chenle, who aren’t focusing on the instructions coming from the exasperated staff. Jeno can’t really blame them- they’re all exhausted, hungry, overworked and anxious about performing a new song with the limited amount of time they had to practice as a team.

Especially Renjun.

Jeno can’t stand the way that Renjun’s shaking with nerves, so pent-up and anxious as they stand backstage preparing to perform, their managers going over the schedule for the night’s performance. Jeno’s fingers twitch with need, and carefully, he steps closer to Renjun.

The managers have begun repeating the instructions to Jisung and Chenle now, so Jeno figures it’s safe to act. He bumps Renjun’s elbow with his own, looking resolutely at the floor. “Renjun?”

Renjun looks over. He looks _tired_ and Jeno wants to help. “Yeah?”

Suddenly, the tiles on the floor seem very interesting. Jeno stares at them, nerves all tangled up in his stomach. He doesn’t even think when he asks, “Can I hold your hand?”

He realizes too late what he’s asked, and he’s probably blushing bright red but, well. 

Silence. Jeno chances a look up, and Renjun’s face is unreadable. 

He chews on his lower lip. Was that a stupid idea? Renjun holds hands with the others sometimes, but maybe he doesn’t really like-

“Yeah.” Renjun also suddenly seems rather keen on studying the pattern on the floor. “Yeah, okay.” 

The only thought rolling around in his brain as he presses his palm to Renjun’s, tightly weaving their fingers together is: _his hands are so soft._

He squeezes Renjun’s hand three times, the silent showing of strength and love that Jaemin taught him, and relishes in the way that he can see Renjun’s shoulders relax. 

After they perform, Renjun pulls Jeno close and hugs him tighter than ever. His _thank you_ goes unsaid, but they both feel it. 

**2.**

Jaemin spends _far_ too long trying to figure out what to get Renjun for his twentieth birthday. 

Everything that comes to mind just doesn’t feel quite right.

New airpods? Too simple, too impersonal. A handwritten letter? Nice, but Renjun probably won’t take that seriously. A new jacket? But then maybe he won’t feel as compelled to steal Jaemin’s hoodies all the time… A bouquet of flowers? Sure, if he wants to send Jeno into a sneezing fit.

Somehow he spends so much time thinking about it that Renjun’s birthday approaches in a flash- and Jaemin _still_ hasn’t figured out what to give him. 

“You really don’t need to get me anything,” Renjun says, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s fine, Nana.”

Jaemin pouts. No, it is _not_ fine. It is far from fine, because Jaemin doesn’t know how to tell Renjun how he feels- so he needs to at least try and show him. “But I want to, Renjun.”

Renjun hums, shifting into a more comfortable position on the couch. They’d had dinner out together (Mark-hyung’s treat) and had come back to the dorm to relax, maybe watch some movies, maybe have a couple of drinks after their managers leave them to be for the night. Renjun’s already looking cozy, having changed into a new pair of pajamas (a gift from Donghyuck, who left after dinner) as soon as they’d arrived home.

“Well, I mean. There was one thing I wanted?” Renjun hugs the pillow in his lap. “But it’s kind of expensive.”

“That’s okay!” Jaemin wracks his brain for a solution that will be Renjun-approved. “We can all pitch in, buy it together. Jeno, Jisung and Chenle haven’t given you anything yet either, right?”

“No, they haven’t…” Renjun glances over to where Jeno is nodding, eyes wide like a puppy. “Are you sure?”

“Yes!” Jeno nods. After he gets an elbow in the ribs from Jaemin, Jisung nods too, grumbling under his breath about Jaemin’s stupid razer-sharp elbows-

“Okay, well it’s a bag,” Renjun says, digging his phone out of the blankets to pull it up online, “I think we can order it online.”

And _wait for it?_ Unacceptable. “Can we go and buy it?”

“I guess?” Renjun shrugs. “Tomorrow?”

“Why don’t we go right now?” Jaemin brightens. “Jeno, we can ride our bikes.”

“...It closes in twenty minutes,” Renjun deadpans.

Jeno’s already grabbing their biking gloves. “We bike fast!”

So that’s how Jaemin and Jeno end up on their bikes, furiously pedaling to make it to the store on time. They _just_ squeak in- only allowed in because they promise the sales clerk that they only want one thing and that they’ll be in and out in an instant.

They’re only a _little_ sweaty by the time they make it back to the dorm, a pretty white gift bag in hand that Jaemin sets down on Renjun’s lap. Jaemin grins as Renjun opens it, expression lighting up when he sees the bag that he’d been wanting.

“Oh my god. I can’t believe you guys did this.” Renjun smiles, carefully opening up the bag.

“You like it?” Jaemin tugs Jeno closer to him, wrapping a hand around his wrist. 

Jeno chews on his lower lip. “Did we get the right one?”

“Yes and yes.” Renjun holds it up, and well, to Jaemin it doesn’t look like anything too special, but the way that Renjun smiles makes it worth every effortt. “It’s perfect.”

“Anything for you.” Jaemin smiles, pulling Renjun to his feet. “Try it on, try it on!” 

Renjun laughs but does as requested, slinging it over his shoulder. He nods happily, reaching up to pull Jeno and Jaemin into a hug, Renjun squished into the middle. “Thank you.”

Jaemin holds on tighter than he should, but he can’t bring himself to let go. “Making you happy makes us happy, Renjun.”

Pulling back, Renjun looks both Jaemin and Jeno over. _Really_ looks- that perceptive eye of his that seems to never miss anything.

(Except how glaringly obvious it is that Jaemin and Jeno are absolutely crazy about him, and that it takes all of Jaemin’s self control to not kiss him as he pulls away, heading to his room to put away his new bag, already pulling out his phone to send a picture to Donghyuck.)

Jaemin feels warm everywhere Renjun had touched him and wishing somehow, he’d had a way to keep him there longer.

Laughter from Chenle breaks Jaemin out of his thoughts and he realizes he’s been staring down the hallway, probably looking like an idiot. “He’ll realize one day, hyungs,” He says, smiling as he waves goodbye, heading home for the night.

Resigned, Jaemin sighs.

They’re going to have to try a lot harder.

**3.**

Jaemin’s pouting.

It’s really a wonder that nobody seems to have caught on to this yet, considering that Jaemin is the most obvious person on the entire freaking planet. 

It’s even _more_ of a wonder that Renjun hasn’t realized yet. How he can’t feel Jaemin’s gaze piercing through his soul, Jeno has _no_ idea. 

Donghyuck sure notices.

He’s sitting on the couch opposite Jeno and Jaemin, arms wrapped snugly around Renjun’s middle. They’re watching a movie- or well, they’re _supposed_ to be, but Jaemin is too busy pouting about Donghyuck cuddling Renjun, and Jeno is too busy being exasperated by the entire situation to pay much attention to the characters on the screen.

Renjun shifts a bit, relaxing more comfortably next to Donghyuck. Getting such open and unabashed affection from Renjun is rare- it’s something to be treasured and appreciated, especially when given so quietly and naturally like this. Jeno understands Jaemin’s frustration; he wants to be the one cuddling Renjun, too.

(Or even better- Renjun cuddled between them.)

Donghyuck quirks a brow, glancing over to where Jeno and Jaemin are sitting. The corners of his lips lift up in a smirk and Jeno knows immediately that he is up to no good.

He doesn’t do anything at first, which really should be more alarming, but Jeno falls into his trap. He relaxes; focuses on the movie and soothes Jaemin as best as he can by running his fingers through Jaemin’s hair. 

They haven’t gotten to spend much time with Donghyuck lately, so really, Jeno treasures this time they have together. He’s insanely busy with his schedules between 127 and Dream and having a night off to just _relax?_ Nearly unheard of.

When he yawns, Jeno doesn’t think anything of it, not until Donghyuck is pulling himself away from Renjun, standing up and stretching. “I think I’m gonna head back,” he says, turning to Jeno and smiling. Renjun sighs, adjusting in his spot, but not before Donghyuck wraps his arms around Renjun’s middle to pull him to his feet.

Jeno realizes what he’s doing a beat too late, when he has a lapful of Renjun and a blanket thrown over top of them. 

Renjun blinks, but doesn’t move. “Um, I don’t-”

“Goodnight!” Donghyuck tosses them the controller for the PS4 and picks up his hoodie on his way out to head back to his dorm. 

The movie’s still playing, and Jeno’s pretty sure he’s frozen in place. 

Renjun smells of his favourite shampoo, hair still a little damp from the shower he took after practice. They’re close enough that Jeno can feel Renjun’s deep inhale of breath, and the way that he moves his legs, getting ready to stand up.

Thankfully, Jaemin reacts quickly. “You’re so warm, Renjunnie,” he says, carefully adjusting Renjun until he’s tucked more firmly between Jeno and Jaemin, the spot sized perfectly, like it was made for him. “Tiny little space heater.” 

Now, Renjun isn’t really against skinship or anything. He leans into it sometimes- allows Jaemin to grab onto his wrist as they walk around, lets Donghyuck put an arm around his shoulders at lunch, doesn’t seem to mind when Jeno plays with his hair when he’s bored. But as a general rule, he’s not the biggest fan of holding or being held. Jeno doesn’t know why, but normally he resists. Normally, he would push Jaemin away and settle by himself on the couch.

Today isn’t like normal.

Rather than resist, Renjun relaxes against Jaemin’s side, simply letting himself be held.

The atmosphere feels delicate. 

Jeno catches Jaemin’s eye and he looks as surprised as Jeno feels. He has an arm around Renjun’s shoulders and carefully slides his hand further down Renjun’s arm, guiding him gently until he rests his head on Jeno’s chest.

Renjun looks so _small_ like this. So small and fragile and pretty. He breathes in slowly and deeply, looking soft in a too-big olive green sweater that Jeno’s pretty sure belongs to him.

“This okay?” Jaemin asks, cuddling up to Renjun’s other side, hooking his chin over Renjun’s shoulder. He glances at Jeno, and he’s sure his expression mirrors Jaemin’s: concerned, but elated at the trust Renjun is giving them.

“Yeah.” Renjun nods, expression relaxed and sleepy. He nuzzles his face against Jeno's neck and Jeno just about self-destructs. “Let’s finish the movie?”

Truth be told, Jeno doesn’t even remember the title of the film, but it doesn’t matter. That’s not what he’s focused on; and by the way that Jaemin finds one of Jeno's hands and starts tracing the patterns on his palm to keep himself calm, he's not paying much attention either.

Time passes by too quickly then, the movie fading to credits before Jeno can memorize the weight of Renjun pressed up against his chest. Somewhere along the way he wound up with an arm around Renjuns shoulder, fingers playing mindlessly with the soft little baby hairs at the nape of Renjun's neck.

Jaemin's half asleep by the look of it, one hand still softly playing with Jeno's, his other tucked against the hem of Renjun's sweatshirt. Renjun reaches for the controller to shut off the title screen of the movie, blanketing the room in silence.

At first, nobody moves, the only sound being soft breathing and muted music coming from Jaemin and Jisung's room. Jaemin moves first, pushing himself up to sit, but not before Renjun can fist his hand in the fabric of Jaemin's shirt to stop him.

“Just a little longer? Please?” Renjun feels so fragile, tucking his face below Jeno’s chin and snuggling in. “I don’t really wanna be alone right now.”

With Chenle back living with his mom, Renjun’s got a room to himself. Which is nice for when you want some privacy, but not so great for moments like this. Jeno would know- with Donghyuck living permanently in the other dorm now, he’s by himself a lot of the time. 

(Well, except for nights when Jaemin makes himself at home in Jeno’s bed. At first it was with the excuse _Jisung is in my bed again,_ but now, Jeno’s pretty sure it’s just because he likes the way it feels, to hold and be held. The comfort that it brings.)

Jeno nods dumbly without really thinking. "Yeah, of course." He chews on his lower lip. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Renjun sighs. "No? I don't know. I'm just... tired, I guess." He twists his fingers around in his hoodie until Jeno gently pries it out of his grip, slotting their fingers together instead. 

He squeezes once, twice.

Renjun squeezes back for the third time.

"Let's go to Jeno's room," Jaemin says, taking Renjun's other hand between both of his palms. "We can rest there." 

For a moment, Renjun looks like he wants to argue. Jeno squeezes his hand, and thankfully, he doesn't. "Okay."

It's not often that three of them share a bed. Jaemin has a habit of crawling into Jeno's fairly often, and so does Donghyuck when he’s around and feeling affectionate, but it’s been years since Renjun, Jeno and Jaemin all shared the same bed.

They were definitely all a lot smaller last time they did it. Jaemin’s giggling as they try to find a configuration that works, figure out how to fit three grown boys into a bed barely big enough for one- but somehow, they make it work. Jaemin pressed right up against the wall, on his side, arm tossed around Renjun, who they keep tucked right in between them. 

(For some reason, it just feels right to have him there. Jeno’s so, so glad that Jaemin agrees.)

“Good?” Jeno asks, settling down on the outside of the bed. The position is a little strained, and he has to be careful not to fall off, but- that just means he has an excuse to cling, doesn’t it?

Renjun smiles as Jeno digs his palm against his hip, cuddling up to his side. Renjun lays on his back, giving Jeno and Jaemin room to snuggle up to each side. 

“Yeah,” he says, looking uncharacteristically shy. But he can’t hide here- not in this position, with nowhere to press his face, with Jeno and Jaemin resting on either of his shoulders. He’s vulnerable like this, and the craziest part is that Renjun _allows_ it. 

Jaemin pets along Renjun's ribs, eyes fluttering closed. "You can always count on us. You know that, right, Renjun?"

Renjun nods without hesitation. "Yeah. Of course. I just- it's hard, you know?" He squeezes his eyes closed, resigned. "Asking for…this." 

“I know.” Jeno hugs Renjun a little tighter, the soft, intimate atmosphere making him bold. “But we care about you a lot.”

Jaemin nods. “Anytime you need…”

"We'll take care of you." Jeno surprises even himself with how serious he sounds.

“Yeah.” Renjun closes his eyes, drawing in a breath so deep Jeno can feel how it fills his lungs. “Yeah, I know. Thank you.” 

“Always.” Jaemin pushes himself up enough to tap Renjun’s nose once, smile brilliant. “Let’s sleep now, okay? If we’re going to survive filming tomorrow we’ve gotta rest up.”

Renjun spends a little bit too long staring at Jaemin’s face. If Jeno didn’t know any better, he’d think he was looking at his lips. 

“Yeah,” he says, closing his eyes. When Jaemin lays back down, he lets him snuggle in without complaint. “Goodnight.”

Jaemin finds Jeno’s free hand and squeezes it. “Sleep well.”

Jeno’s sure he’s never slept quite so soundly.

**4.**

“It sounds amazing.” Renjun smiles, pulling the headphones down around his neck. He looks so, _so_ soft like this, sitting cross-legged in Jeno’s desk chair, wearing a sweater that’s got to be two sizes too big. Even though Jeno and Jaemin have gotten considerably taller, Renjun hasn’t gotten out of the habit of stealing their clothes. Jaemin sure doesn’t mind seeing how they hang off his frame, how they hide the palms of his hands.

So, _so_ cute. 

“You really think so?” Jeno’s smiling, sitting on his bed, squeezing a pillow in his lap. “What part did you like the best?"

"Hmmm." Renjun hums, tapping the headphones against his thigh. He’d only just gotten home from recording for their new upcoming album when Jeno and Jaemin had cornered him, ushering him into Jeno’s room to listen to the demo they’d just finished recording this morning.

The demo with Jeno and Jaemin’s own lyrics.

(Jeno and Jaemin’s lyrics about _Renjun.)_

Jaemin’s not quite sure how exactly it happened.

While working on the new album, the opportunity to work on some writing had presented itself. Jeno and Jaemin have both dabbled a little in previous albums, and jumped on the opportunity to work on a new song. They’d collaborated with the other writers, figured out the direction of the song and the next thing they knew, the lyrics were practically writing themselves.

All of the feelings that Jaemin’s never discussed, the emotions rooted so deeply in his heart that they’ve wrapped themselves around his bones, settled into every inch of his skin. The words that he’s never known how to _say,_ not to Renjun that is, of how badly they want him.

(No, not want. _Need.)_

“I really like both of your verses,” Renjun says, reaching over towards Jeno’s desk to put the headphones back. “Your singing has really improved- both of you. I can tell how hard you’ve been working.”

At _that,_ Jeno lights up. Seeing him smile still makes Jaemin feel all warm and cozy. “Really? You know that we wrote the verses ourselves, right?”

“Really?” Renjun snatches the headphones up again, tucking them over his ears. “Can I listen again?”

Shakily, Jaemin nods. He fumbles for his laptop to turn the song back again, nervousness fluttering around in his stomach because they finally did it.

Finally figure out how to show Renjun how they feel, how important he is. 

Renjun sits back down, but this time, he sits next to Jeno on his bed. Jaemin can’t resist the pull and ends up sitting on Renjun’s other side. 

(He doesn’t miss the way that Renjun leans his head on Jeno’s shoulder, ever so slightly.)

As Renjun listens again, Jaemin thinks about the lyrics they wrote. Thinks about writing them, pressed up next to Jeno in the studio, quiet whispers between them as they tried to find the best words to explain how they feel. Thinks about the tiny little kisses they’d share when the staff left them alone and the cameras were off, feeling so warm and excited and _hopeful._ Somehow resists the urge to grab Jeno’s hand. That would be way too obvious.

Renjun finishes listening, gently sliding the headphones down to rest around his neck. He tips his head a little further onto Jeno’s shoulder, breathing out slowly.

“It sounds really, really good,” Renjun reiterates. “The lyrics are… they’re really beautiful.”

Jeno smiles, hand finding a home on Renjun’s forearm and squeezing. “You really think so?”

“Yeah.” Renjun pulls the headphones off, letting them fall into his lap as he turns his face to nuzzle against Jeno’s shoulder affectionately. “I really think so. The fans will love them.”

 _They’re for you,_ Jaemin thinks, but the words get caught up somewhere in his throat, too busy marvelling in the way that Renjun melts against Jeno, and the way that he seeks out Jaemin too, delicate fingers wrapping around his wrist to bring him closer.

He gets lost in the moment, and misses yet another opportunity.

**+1.**

Things go from zero to one hundred _quickly._

One moment they’re discussing the possibility of a comeback, unsure when it’ll happen with the state of the world and so many unknowns-

And the next moment their albums are in production and the comeback date is creeping up _fast._

Renjun doesn’t have much time to think about anything other than work. His brain is on one track, bouncing between the songs, the choreography and his radio show with, quite frankly, no room for anything else to filter in.

He certainly does not have any time to think about how confusing Jeno and Jaemin have been lately. 

(He really doesn’t know what to make of them most days. They’re attached at the hip, clearly in love with each other, so why do they flit around Renjun like he’s the sun?)

If he starts thinking about it he’ll get lost in his thoughts, so it’s just easier to bury his head in the sand and focus on what’s right in front of him.

Ridin’ drops, and it does well. _Really_ well. They’re all watching the charts and voting and streaming as much as they can, and it feels so good to have their efforts pay off, at _last._

Even though their start has been so strong, Renjun can’t help the giant ball of nerves all tangled up in his stomach as they wait for the results from their first music show nomination. The performance was good and clean- getting to practice twice last week without being nominated had turned out to be a blessing as they felt more coordinated, more calm performing on stage.

The actual performance always goes by in a flash. Before Renjun realizes it, the hosts are about to announce the results of the winner and Renjun wishes above anything else that he could be brave enough to reach over and take a hold of Jeno’s hand, wishes that Jaemin were right next to him too so that he could reach for them both and be surrounded by the safety and love they both shower him in.

Wait, what?

“NCT Dream!”

They _won._

It feels unreal.

It feels unreal when they accept the award, when they thank their fans. Still feels unreal during the encore stage, while they sing and dance and laugh and play around with each other. It’s starting to settle when they pull each other into hugs after the show, laughing and clamoring around, and when the fans flood them with hearts during their post-show live. 

But it really only hits him when their managers drop them back off at their dorm after they’ve all promised that they’ll go to sleep right away to be well-rested for tomorrow, once he’s showered and washed off all of his makeup.

He takes a good long look at his reflection in the mirror and thinks: they _won._

There’s no way he’s sleeping at all tonight.

Renjun quickly dries himself off, adrenaline pumping through his veins. He grabs the first things he finds on his bed- a pair of old grey sweatpants and a sweatshirt that he’s appropriated from someone else, judging by how big it is on him. He doesn’t mind though, stepping into his slippers and dropping his phone on the charger, leaving his room in search of _something._

He doesn’t realize what he’s looking for until he’s standing outside of Jeno’s room. The door’s ajar and there’s no Jeno inside, which isn’t that surprising. There’s no way that Renjun is the only one feeling like _this;_ feeling an energy buzzing just beneath his skin, a spark pushing him forward, excitement and adrenaline all wound up tight in his chest. 

Jisung and Chenle are giggling loudly in Jisung and Jaemin’s room, so Renjun knows right away that Jeno and Jaemin aren’t there. That leaves one spot for them to be: the balcony.

Really, it’s not a place they _should_ be going, but sometimes they do anyway.

The balcony attached to the other side of their building, the half that’s been empty ever since the company moved out whatever batch of trainees they had living there. It doesn’t look out at anything, the brush of trees grown around it thick enough to hide anyone standing on it. A key to the apartment was initially stored in their dorms in case someone got locked out, but when it cleared out they realized that it was a great opportunity to use the space.

Renjun tries the door to get in and finds it unlocked. 

(Maybe they were hoping he’d come looking for them?) 

He steps in quietly, slippers hardly making any noise against the floor. It’s dead quiet inside, but Renjun isn’t perturbed; he pads down the hallway, through the living room, and freezes just in front of the sliding door in the dining area. 

Jaemin and Jeno are already here, sitting down on the concrete, one leg each swinging off the ledge, pushed in between the bars of the railing.

And-

Oh my god.

They’re _kissing._

Renjun’s always sort of suspected they were together- he’s never outright asked them and they’ve never outright shared- but seeing them kissing is another thing altogether. 

His heart races but he just can’t bring himself to look away.

Jaemin has Jeno half on his lap. Jeno’s other leg is thrown over Jaemin’s thigh, bringing their bodies as close as they possibly could be. Both of Jeno’s hands are snug around Jaemin’s waist, tucked cozily underneath his open zip-up. Jaemin has one arm wrapped around Jeno’s back, his other hand buried in his hair, gently stroking the back of his neck as they kiss.

The kiss is soft, and slow, and intimate. Renjun doesn’t have a lot of experience with kisses, but he can feel how much they’re both putting into it, how much affection and love they share. Jaemin leads, guiding Jeno along with each meaningful press of his lips. He chases after Jaemin whenever Jaemin so much as pulls the smallest bit back, Jaemin smiling into the kiss.

God, they’re both so _pretty._

It doesn’t occur to Renjun that maybe he should stop watching and that he should probably leave until Jaemin glances over Jeno’s shoulder, making direct eye contact with Renjun.

A shiver trills down Renjun’s spine at the look he gives him- expression absolutely unreadable- and the fact that he does not stop kissing Jeno. 

What the actual fuck.

Renjun can’t look away.

Jaemin presses harder against Jeno, drawing a whine out of him. Jeno is so pliant; he shifts when Jaemin pulls him closer, until they’re flush together. Jaemin glances up at Renjun again, before focusing more into the kiss.

Eventually, when Renjun’s heart is beating so fast he can hear it in his eardrums, Jeno pulls away to breathe. "Nana,” he whispers, voice so broken and breathless and _beautiful._ Renjun wants to commit that voice to memory, wake up to it every fucking day.

“Jen,” Jaemin says, the hand that was in Jeno’s hair stroking down his back. He nods towards where Renjun is still standing, dumbstruck. “Look who joined us.”

Panic claws at Renjun’s throat but he’s frozen, feet glued to the floor. Jeno glances over and his eyes widen when he sees Renjun.

(Renjun didn’t know it was possible for Jeno to look even _more_ handsome, but with that kiss-drunk expression, lips beautifully swollen and red, well. Turns out, you do learn something new every day.)

“Renjun?” Oh my god, Jeno’s saying his name with that voice. Renjun can feel his hands shake. “Did you-?”

“He saw us kissing, Jen.” Jaemin speaks for Renjun. Maybe he knows Renjun can’t speak, too many thoughts clogging up his brain. Maybe he has a different agenda, Renjun doesn’t know. “Do you get it now, Renjunnie?”

Wait. What?

Clearing his throat, Renjun shakes his head, tries to clear out the mental image of Jeno and Jaemin kissing, but knows full-well that it’s not going _anywhere._ “What?”

Renjun remembers how to work his limbs again and takes a step backwards to flee, but pauses as Jeno’s face falls. “Where are you- why are you going?” He asks, chewing on his lower lip. 

“Do you... want me to stay?” Oh, god, now his legs are shaking too. Jeno’s looking at him like he holds his entire heart in his hands and Renjun has no idea how to process that. 

Rather than answer, Jaemin reaches out with one hand, offering it to Renjun. “Do you want to?”

As always, he tosses the ball in Renjun’s court. Never pushing too far, never assuming, never-

“Yes.” Oh no. Oh no no no. Those are tears pressing at his eyes, and Renjun swallows, biting on the inside of his cheek to keep them at bay. He always cries when he’s overwhelmed and he _hates it._ “Can I-?”

Jeno just about falls over in his scramble to move, to open up the space between him and Jaemin to make room. Renjun can’t help but laugh, even though it’s weak and a little wet. “Renjun, I, we-”

Renjun moves close enough for Jaemin to take his hand, their fingers slotting together easily. All it takes is one swift tug for Renjun to wind up right in their space, inches away from Jeno and Jaemin, reduced to nothing as he falls to his knees, mind falling peacefully blank as Jeno takes his other hand. 

“It was always all for you,” Jaemin starts, looking down at their joined hands. He squeezes once. “The song. We wrote it for you, you know.”

“Oh.” Everything’s slowly starting to click into place. The way they’ve always treated him- how they’d move mountains if Renjun even mentioned wanting it- how they touch him, hug him, take care of him. How they’ve put him first so many times. Renjun feels those stupid tears press at his eyes again, and he fights to hold them back. “Oh, I… I didn’t know.”

“We kind of suck at talking.” Jeno laughs a bit, and it puts Renjun at ease to hear that he sounds overwhelmed too. “I’m so happy you’re here, Renjun. So happy.” He squeezes Renjun’s hand for the second time. 

He’s thought about this, wanted this, _wished for this_ so many times. Thought himself in circles about it; about how perfect Jeno and Jaemin are on their own, and how there’s no way they’d want him too. Thought about how there’s no way they _don’t_ care about him with how they look at him, how they treat him.

(Donghyuck and Johnny are the only ones who know. Donghyuck, because Renjun turns to his best friend for comfort when he needs to pour his heart out about how confused he is, and Johnny because well, it’s pretty hard to get time alone with Donghyuck. Renjun accepted pretty quickly that his roommate was going to hear all about it too.)

Honestly, this is a lot. A _lot._ Renjun’s not sure what to feel or how to think.

All he knows are three very, very important things:

One, that Jeno and Jaemin’s hands are warm in his. Jaemin rubs circles on the back of his hand with his thumb and Jeno’s holding him so tightly, almost as if he’s afraid that if he lets go, Renjun will disappear.

Two, that he’s never wanted someone- _someones-_ so badly in his entire life. He can feel the way he’s trembling with need and desires that he isn’t even sure how to express.

And three: he’s never felt so important, so adored and so loved as he does with both Jaemin and Jeno looking at him, wearing their hearts on their sleeves.

Maybe it’s okay that Renjun doesn’t have all the answers.

Maybe, just this once, it’s okay to fly blindly.

After all, it’s Jeno and Jaemin. He’d trust them with his life without hesitation. 

“Me too,” he says at last, glancing up to look Jeno and Jaemin in the eye. They’re both looking at him with such open adoration that he can’t keep himself from tearing up. “Me too. Fuck, I wish I’d said something earlier. I never thought you’d want me back.”

“You’re only all we talk about,” Jaemin admits, laughing. “But then you show up and I can’t _think,_ Renjun. Can’t find the words. I just want to be with you.”

“Me too,” Jeno says. He’s always been earnest, always been open, so it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that he’s the first to say: “Can I kiss you now, Renjun? I’m not good at talking but- but I can show you how I feel.”

Renjun’s mouth feels dry. He feels himself nod more than he registers doing it. “Show me,” he says, anticipation and excitement and _love_ waging war in his heart. “Please, _please-”_

Jeno leans in and captures his lips in a kiss, saying more with his actions than he knows how to in words. It takes Renjun by surprise, the ferocity with which Jeno kisses; his kiss with Jaemin had been all soft, but he kisses Renjun like a dying man desperate for a drink. 

There’s no reprieve either, not when Jaemin is kissing Renjun’s nose and cheek repeatedly, waiting for Jeno to pull back and give him a turn. As soon as Renjun pulls back to breathe Jaemin is there, laughing into his mouth, guiding him to rest against Jeno as they kiss. 

They kiss him and he feels a rush of feelings: warmth, care. Love.

Renjun squeezes both of their hands, the third time, knowing exactly what it means, and lets himself get lost in the moment. 

And honestly? It’s even better than he could have imagined. 

**Bonus.**

As it turns out, having two boyfriends is a blessing and a curse.

It’s a blessing because there’s always someone to hug and hold, always someone to lean against, two boys for Renjun to press himself between and hold hands with when he needs some comfort.

He has so much love surrounding him that it’s overwhelming at times, but that’s okay. With Renjun’s insistence they’re learning how to talk, how to communicate, and they’re figuring out all the tough bits together.

It’s a curse, because Jeno and Jaemin both love to kiss and Renjun’s never gone through lip balm so fast in his entire life. 

The second that they make it back to the dorm, exhausted but filled with adrenaline after a broadcast, Jaemin’s already pressed against Renjun’s side. He’s not kissing him yet (thank God), with Chenle and Donghyuck still in the same room, but as soon as Renjun’s showered and alone in his bedroom, he knows exactly who’s knocking at his bedroom door.

Renjun pulls on one of Jeno’s shirts that he stole earlier in the week and some clean sweats. “It’s open,” he says, chuckling under his breath as he applies some moisturizer to his face.

Jaemin steps in, hair still damp from his own shower. He smiles as he closes the door behind himself. “Hey there. You come here often?”

“You remember this is my room, right?” Renjun gives him a lopsided smile, putting away his moisturizer to grab his lip balm. “Is Jeno back?”

“He just got back. I ordered some food, he’s showering.” Jaemin watches Renjun go through his usual routine, brushing through his hair next. Renjun’s gotten used to it, the way that Jaemin will just sit quietly, watching him and Jeno with the fondest look on his face. “Jisung devoured the last of Chenle’s dinner and they’re getting ready for bed. Hyuck too, I think the hyungs had dinner waiting for him at their dorm.” 

Renjun nods, carefully putting his clothes in his laundry basket and stepping into his slippers. He feels all warm and tingly, still sparking with energy from the evening. “Sounds good. Should we go and wait for it?”

Jaemin pushes himself up from where he’d been leaning against the closed door. “Not yet.”

Even though he knows what Jaemin wants, Renjun plays coy. Where’s the fun in giving in without a little fun? “Did you need something?”

That earns him a smirk from Jaemin. “Yes, Renjun, and it’s very serious.” He keeps approaching until he’s but a few inches away from Renjun, close enough to rest his hands on Renjun’s hips.

“Oh? Whatever could it be?” Renjun has to reach up to press his palm to Jaemin’s cheek. Damn idiot just had to grow so tall. 

Jaemin brushes one of his thumbs along Renjun’s lower lip. “Can I?”

Who’s Renjun to refuse that face? “Yeah, Nana. Kiss me.” 

So he leans in and brushes their lips together. It’s not a kiss, not really, nothing more than the barest of touch, but there’s no denying the spark in the room as they do it. 

Pulling back a little, Jaemin licks his lips. “Cherry? I like that.”

“Oh my god.” Renjun laughs, pressing forward to kiss Jaemin properly. “You’re such a dork,” he says, punctuating each word with another kiss, each one light and fun and warm. 

Jaemin presses another kiss to Renjun’s lips, then one on his cheek. _“Your_ dork.” 

Renjun has to hide his face in Jaemin’s neck to suppress his blush. Casual displays of affection always overwhelm him. 

“Hey, no fair, you started without me!” Renjun pulls himself away from Jaemin to see Jeno pouting in his doorway, looking soft and kissable, fresh out of the shower. Renjun wants to kiss him, so he _does-_ walks right up to Jeno and pushes himself on his tippy toes to bring their lips together. Kisses him until Jeno’s no more than putty beneath his fingertips, head spinning as Renjun pulls back. 

He licks his lips, chasing Renjun’s mouth for one more kiss. “You taste good, Junnie.” 

Jaemin hugs Renjun from behind and laughs. “Told you!” 

Renjun sighs. “Why did I have to fall in love with two dumbasses?”

Jeno had been pressing kisses to Renjun’s jaw, but hearing that, he falters. “Wait what?”

“Renjun?” Jaemin squeezes him tighter, voice filled with surprise and elation. 

But this time, Renjun’s not nervous. He knows what he feels deep down in his heart, knows it with every inch of his being. “You missed the dumbass part.”

Jeno and Jaemin are frozen, scrambling to find their words. Renjun thinks he quite likes rendering them speechless like this. 

There’s a knock at the door. 

“Come on, I think that’s the food,” Renjun says, wiggling his way out from between Jeno and Jaemin to go and answer the door. He’s halfway down the hallway by the time they react, feet thundering against the hardwood floors, laughing as they throw themselves at Renjun. 

“Love you too,” Jaemin says, nuzzling the side of Renjun’s face. “Both of you. God, love you so much.”

Jeno squeezes them both until they’re all laughing, collapsing down into a heap on the floor. “Me too,” he says, sounding suddenly meek. “I love you.”

“I know.” Renjun reaches up to ruffle Jeno’s hair, pressing a kiss to Jaemin’s cheek. “You’ve always shown me… every day. I love you too.” 

He should have expected to be pressed down against the floor and kissed silly, but Jeno and Jaemin still manage to surprise him. 

Another knock at the door reminds them that they should _probably_ get moving.

They tip the delivery driver extra for having to wait so long. The food goes cold by the time they get around to eating it, but none of them mind. 

The extra kisses make it all worthwhile.

**Author's Note:**

> If you got this far, please leave a kudos. If you can, I'd love to hear your thoughts in a comment. Thank you for reading! I tried REALLY hard to keep this under 5k, but well.. it got away from me a little. :D 
> 
> Come talk to me on Twitter, where I tweet about NCT and give snippets of my AUs: [@justtruffle](https://twitter.com/justtruffle).


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